I haven't properly "blogged" in a long time. I don't really want to use mainstream platforms anymore, but I also find handcoding my blog to be a bit tedious. There's probably a better way to do it (maybe a Notion site?) but it's better to just make an imperfect thing now and perfect the system later.

I have mixed feelings about being online these days. It feels really vulnerable and cringy (spelling?) at the same time. It feels performative. Someone once asked me why I sometimes private and unprivate my Instagram account. Well, social media creates the illusion that online connections are possible (and they sometimes are), and having a social media presence equates to opportunity. For me, it always has. My first jobs out of college were all about building a social media presence (jobs I weren't very good at). Some of my favorite bloggers (who also started out as teen bloggers) turned into content creators or other kinds of professional writers. I'm supposed to be a full-time designer by the end of 2026, and I guess Instagram is the best way to get your work out there?

Anyone who knows me knows about my long history of blogging since I was a kid. My last blog was all about fashion, and I would create collages and attempt to write "thinkpieces." Yeah, I was gunning for an editorial role at SSENSE or Manrepeller since high school. The social media aspect felt very performative, and I felt increasing pressure to execute an idea quickly (and then post it right away) in order to "own" it (I don't know why designers are so obsessed with this). But I can't post anything until it's a "polished" portfolio project (not true but my brain thinks this). Over time, I have come to resent social media, and I guess that's why I often switch back to a private account.

Until I went to grad school, I didn't really know anyone who had a reason to post online other than to socialize or gain validation from peers. Not because social media is career-building for them. I went to a school known for its engineering programs (but I was in liberal arts), so most people I knew were STEM students who didn't need to think about publishing online at all. I became conscious of this difference and even envious of people who don't "need" to post.

Yet, publishing is all that I know. And even though I am really self-conscious about posting online these days, I've always had the impulse to publish something online, somewhere. "Designer" is a broad term and one that I don't really identify with. Maybe it's imposter syndrome. What I've liked about design school is that it gave me more publishing tools and strategies. I think what I've found frustrating about grad school so far is that I often would rather just read or research than do any kind of experimentation with form. I guess that is what this blog is for. For me to brainstorm and spit out ideas without obsessing over writing polished things. Design has gotten in the way of all of that, I think.

Anyway, in 2026, I want to spend less time on social media and more time reading. My TBR list on Goodreads is over 2,000 books long. Honestly, I think my biggest accomplishment in 2025 had nothing to do with grad school or my career, but rather, getting back into reading again. I stopped reading fiction since I started grad school, but I realized that fiction is healing and eye-opening. I don't know if I can be off of social media forever but I definitely want to spend less time on it. If I want to talk about books, this blog is the place to do it.